Children of Abuse

Today, we are more aware than ever of the plight of children of abuse, as it seems a new child abuse report is recounted on the national and local media stations daily. Stories are told about children being beaten, starved, burned, imprisoned, sexually and emotionally abused and suffering other atrocities too numerous to mention. We are reminded on a daily basis, via milk cartons, shopping carts, newspapers and billboards that children should tell if they are being hurt; that because of hotlines, help is just a phone call away.

However, even when a suspected child abuse incident has been reported, this does not always end up safeguarding the child from further abuse. Many times some of the worst cases are those that the authorities had been notified of, and further determined that the child was indeed at risk, yet the child was left in the care of the abuser. In other incidents, such as when an abused partner flees from domestic violence, the children are often the innocent witnesses to the battering. In too many cases the abuser not only takes it out on their spouse, but harms the children as well.

One aspect of family violence that may have escaped attention is the granting of custody or unsupervised visits to the abuser. The American Judges Foundation tells us that unfortunately for children of abuse, the most common reason for someone to re-enter the abusive relationship is that they are afraid the abuser may act on the threat of taking the children away from them. It is no wonder that there are child protection issues when studies have shown that abusers are able to convince the authorities that their spouse (the victim) is undeserving or unfit, and is granted sole custody in 70% of the cases that went challenged.

The mere idea that child abusers actually do get awarded custody even when there has been a domestic violence conviction or reliable evidence of child abuse is absolutely bizarre. Even those who have experienced it would not have thought it possible until it happened to them.

Most of us assume that in a case of domestic violence a family court judge would look at the case history, verify any medical evidence and listen to the horrible stories the abused children have to tell and then offer protection. Sadly, that is often not what happens. The children of abuse tell someone of their pain, believing that they will be helped, yet help does not come. So why should they then believe that they are deserving of help and protection?

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